October 15, 2007 by David.

It hasn’t even been 24 hours and already I’m missing the guys of Walk 136, Table of Matthew. In particular, I felt a strong bond with David Anthony - who had a fatherly like quality to him - and to David Brown, who felt like a kindred spirit the whole weekend. Many things happened, and many things were revealed.

First and foremost - I received confirmation that I’m being called. However, I don’t think this calling is to the standard “Bible school, associate pastor, Pastor a church and develop programs” call that most men follow. I don’t know the details yet, but I do know the foundation. It’s the same foundation it has always been: Love every man, unconditionally - as Christ did - and let God do the rest. I do know that what I’m envisioning is a church more intent on feeding the poor, than developing internal ministries. Time will tell and God will lead. The rest is inconsequential.

Secondly, I was able to break out and do something I haven’t done in some time. My artistic side broke through, albeit begrudgingly, and I felt truly alive again. I’m not the best artist, or even a decent one, but it’s something that has always driven me. I had given it up over time because I couldn’t make a living doing it. I quickly learned, though, that making a living out of something shouldn’t be the sole criterion for whether or not you continue doing it.

Finally, I learned you should never tell people how God has you structured. I told several people that “I’m not very emotional.” Great, David, go ahead and test God why dontcha??? Sure enough, as the rest of the day progressed, my eyes began to leak like a hole in the Hoover Dam. Good thing too, given that everyone else was crying - I’d have looked the fool (not really, but kinda sorta).

All in all, it was a great weekend. I’ve got new friends - brothers, even - and I’m coming back with new fires and old fires rekindled.

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October 10, 2007 by David.

You know, I can appreciate governmental desire to keep cities clean. It helps tax revenue by making the city more attractive to visitors. It helps keep costs low by reducing the work needed to straighten stuff up. But, at some point, the desire for a clean appearance and higher tax revenues tramples all over decent values and common sense. It’s the primary reason I consider myself a libertarian.

This article encapsulates the extreme idiocy our government is capable of. In short, the city of Orlando has a law on the books that makes it illegal to feed homeless people. Yup - you read that right. You can be arrested and thrown before the court if you hand a happy meal over to Homer, the crazy but likable Vietnam Vet living under the bridge.

So, in tried-and-true 1960’s protest fashion, a group of people decided to publicly mock the law by - GASP - feeding homeless people! Oh the horror! Sure enough, local government was not going to sit by while their constituents attempted to be more Christ-like. They arrested one of the chaps involved. And now he has to face a trial for his heinous actions against society.

Wait - what he did didn’t harm anybody. In fact, it helped some people. Oh, and what he did didn’t cost government anything. If anything, it saved government money. Oh yeah, what he did didn’t make the city any dirtier, but quite likely, made it cleaner (if not more satiated). Can someone out there explain to me what was inherently wrong with feeding the homeless?

The sad thing is, this law was very likely put forth and approved by a few Christians along the way. Statistically, the vast majority of policy makers in this country are “Christians”, so it stands to reason. I’m really trying to figure out how one resolves the conflict of making illegal one of Christ’s statements on what it means to love Him.  I’m wondering if the person who put this law together really believes that feeding the homeless is wrong and/or hurtful. On top of that, is this the kind of thing we want our underpaid police to be watching out for? Seriously - with everything else that goes on in the world, are we that concerned with a homeless person being given bread and soup?

These kind of laws scare me. They’re the ones that, as Christ followers, we need to break.

I’m left wondering what will be made illegal next…

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October 2, 2007 by David.

When someone wrongs us, pains us or does something to offend us, they are inadvertently granting us power. Whether they intend to or not, what they are bestowing on that person is the choice of forgiveness.  The power - which may have once been in the hands of the offender - is now squarely and solely in the hands of the offended.

If you think about it, our own governing system is setup this way. If you wrong the government (presumably by committing a crime), the power has now been transferred from you to the government. You are now completely at their mercy. The government can now hand down a penalty as harsh as death, or offer a slap on the wrist. In some instances, the government can even go so far as to forgive you for your crime and let you off scott-free.

Naturally - all of this presumes that you “care” what the government (or whomever you may have offender) thinks of you. If you don’t, you can stop reading now.

Ultimately, though,  the act of forgiveness is one of power. It’s a decision that is made from a position of authority. However, once that decision is made, the power is lost. It’s a single-use card that can’t be exploited for further gain. The government can only try you once for a particular crime (considering federal and local different entities, of course). Likewise, once you make the choice to forgive a person and you GRANT that forgiveness, the power that they gave you is gone.

Which leads me to my ultimate point. It is this loss of power when forgiving that has often held me back from forgiving people. When you’ve been badly wronged, you have been given a power that the wronging person had typically had over you. Whether they know it or not, your choice to forgive them is a power they can not take back. It puts you in a position above them. It doesn’t make you better than them, but it does make you a debtor to them. This empowerment is both liberating and poisonous.

I’ve come to realize that the longer I hold onto this forgiveness - the longer I refuse to grant it - the more jaded I become. I even tell lies in the midst of this empowerment by saying that I have indeed forgiven the person when I know that I truly haven’t. Clinging to this power also makes me angry. I often get angry that those whom I hold power over don’t even acknowledge it. I want to hear them beg. I want them to WANT what I now have. In some ways, I want them to EARN it. As if I could ever earn forgiveness for myself…

I grasp onto this power with a grip so tight I could strangle myself to death. I refuse to let go because it makes me vulnerable to that person (or persons) yet again. The irony is that the longer I hold onto this power, the more I lose myself. I’m beginning to understand that power is not meant to be stored or kept - it is to be expended. Even a battery - a container of power - is not intended to hold that power indefinitely. It is designed to expend power. Should it never expend power, it loses its purpose and given time, it will collapse in on itself.

Likewise, humans are not meant to hold onto power - especially the kind that’s given over other people. It is designed to be used - positively, hopefully - and to be done with. Power can be regained, but again, it must eventually be expended. If it’s not, the purpose of that power is lost and the same is true for the carrier of it.

I fear that I’ve been a charged AA battery sitting on the shelf. It’s time for me to release that power…

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September 26, 2007 by David.

It shouldn’t surprise me. It’s not like I haven’t seen it before. To tell the truth, I’ve probably seen more of it than the antithesis. What am I talking about?

Christians who are nowhere near Christ-like.

It’s not that I want Christians to be perfect. Far from it. I would never expect of anyone those things I don’t expect of myself. However, there are some things that are just common sense. There are some things that a broken heart makes you tender to. There are some actions that clearly define your character. These are the things I look at - and I believe God looks at.

Why would you attack someone verbally without knowing every detail of what’s going on in their lives? Doesn’t it make sense to try and understand where that person is first, especially when it’s someone you SAY you trust? I’m sorry, you can’t just say you “trust” someone to turn around and question every single move they make. That is the antithesis of trust. It would be like saying “I completely believe in Jesus” and then offering animal sacrifices to atone for sin. What you do contradicts what you say.

It’s ok to ask questions of leadership. Actually, it’s necessary. Leaders, as with any person, are to be held accountable for decisions. But, at some point, someone has to make the call. Someone has to decide if the shot is fired or not. It can’t always be a vote because the majority does not always make the right decision, especially when the right decision is the hard one.  Why can’t people understand this and be sensitive to it?

No. Instead, they demand that the decision land in their hands. Rather than trust, they ridicule or use words lined with hate and disgust. For those who are willing to follow and trust, they produce an uncomfortable air that makes them feel as if they’re in the wrong somehow.

To me, these people are just rude, crude and socially unacceptable.

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September 19, 2007 by David.

Over the past few years I’ve been able to lose about 50 pounds, putting my body into a far healthier state in that time. When I got married, I was between 225 and 230 pounds. Now, I’m hovering around 180 and pushing towards my ultimate goal of 165.

I walk much lighter on my feet now at 180 than I did when I was 230. No pun intended. I’m not embarrassed by the size of my pants anymore, either. In fact, the benefits of the weight loss extend far beyond the simple. The benefits cascaded across multiple areas of my life.

For one, it lightened my spirit. I wasn’t clinically depressed, but I knew the complete feeling of dread whenever I looked into a mirror. I also felt completely out of place standing next to a gorgeous wife. Though I know most of it was in my head, I could constantly hear people wondering “How did HE end up with HER?” Since dropping the weight, I’ve been able to shed most of those demons, although at times I still have to battle the “I’m fat” mentality that ruled my life for many years.

The weight loss also helped clear my mind. I think better, in part - I believe - to a better diet. I’m no longer bogging down my body with harmful sodas or loads of sugars. Overall, my physical health has made me sharper and more aware. The addition of exercise and healthier eating has also helped me to sleep better. My wife appreciates that too, since I’m no longer sawing logs in bed.

I wonder if it would surprise people that one of the key areas impacted by my weight loss has been my spiritual life? It’s true - and it’s a benefit I did not expect. But, when you really think about it, the spirit is directly affected by the physical, emotional and the mental. Anyone who tries to decry that we are “spiritual” beings is flat out wrong. We are certainly very spiritual, but we also have to contend with emotions and the physical and mental as well. To discount these struggles is to ignore the reality of being human.

If you are depressed, or lack self-esteem, how can you possibly be spiritually healthy? If we believe we are made in God’s image, but hate our own self-image, what does it say about our view of God? There’s no simple work-around here.

Or, if you are physically tired, how can you commit yourself to a strong relationship with someone when it’s a struggle just to get out of bed?

Or, if you are mentally drained because your body is starving for nutrition, how can you challenge the mind and ask the questions that draw one closer to the Creator?

The truth is this: if we want to help people heal themselves spiritually, we can’t continue ignoring the physical. Being fat or obese not only robs you of good physical health, it also robs you of even better spiritual health.

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September 18, 2007 by David.

There was once a time when I proclaimed that there was no God and that this life was it. When you died, you became worm food - nothing more. This was also a time when I thought Slayer and Pantera were musicians, so you’ll have to forgive my inability to form rational thoughts.

That’s not to say that atheists lack rational thought. Far from it. Many of them make compelling arguments against the existence of God. A good example is the existence of the TV Show “Mama’s Family.” Seriously - would any God allow that to happen, much less let it run for several seasons?

However, I think many atheists are too focused on that horrid 80’s TV sitcom and should rather focus on the things that indicate that there HAS to be a God. Whether that God manifests Himself in the form of Jesus, Buddha, Hare Krishna or Walter Cronkite is up for debate.  Here are some of the things I believe indicate that there HAS to be a God.

1) My wife - There is no logic, nor magic that would explain how this woman agreed to date, continue to date, accept a proposal, marry and stay married to a guy like me.

2) My kids - Three healthy, beautiful, amazing boys. The gift of life - and the wonder of parenthood - insists on the existence of God. Although, at times, I’d like to ask God about their fascination with body noises…

3) Chocolate and Peanut Butter - C’mon people. This ALONE is all the proof one needs. There is no evolutionary principle that can explain the yummy, God-like goodness that comes from a chocolate and pb confection. OY!

4) Today - As I drove to work, I noticed things I usually just ignore. The slowly rising sun. The freshness of the morning air. The stillness of life at 5:30AM. There is no God? Puh-lease.

5) Violent, Vile, Disgusting People - Strangely, these people remind me that there HAS to be a God. Something or someone who is better than us. As much as I want to separate myself from these people, I realize daily that there is very little that DOES separate me from them. I could become them at any moment. I can think of nothing more depressing than the thought that humans are all that there is.

6) David Hasselhoff - Yup. Don’t hassle the ‘Hoff peeps. Any world where the ‘Hoff can have a career as an actor with a talking car AND be a best selling singer in Germany (what’s up with the Krauts?) is proof enough that there is a God. With a sense of humor. A BIG sense of humor.

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September 17, 2007 by David.

You know, it helps to take an account of your life every now and then. For one, it serves as a reminder of where you’ve been and (hopefully) how far you’ve come. Call it a “life audit.” It’s also a great way to look back and remember the people who have influenced you the most and made you who you are today.

Grandparents - The only grandparents I ever knew (my dad’s parents), Flo and John Walker demonstrated faith and dedication at an early age. I remember their visits always including a visit to one of the local Presbyterian churches while growing up. We normally didn’t attend, but would do so when they came into town. Their faith, though “classic” by modern standards, was steadfast and unfaltering, even in the face of numerous bouts with cancer, a mugging and even death.

Mother - Controlled crazy. But somehow, my mom always expressed a belief in Jesus, even if it didn’t always get reflected. Early on she shared the miraculous story of her own personal conversion from Buddhism to Christianity that still echoes in me today.

Father - At times bitter and angry, my dad didn’t take us to church growing up. He had been (and still is) disillusioned with church. My sense of cynicism most definitely originated here. We’d go around Christmas and Easter, but only if my sister or I asked. The lessons I learned from him were more about the life on this planet - hard work, commitment, keeping your word. Valuable lessons indeed.

Michael Scott - A friend in high school that at once showed me both what it meant to be spiritually “on fire” and how to crush a person. I admired Michael until the unfortunate occasion that I made a joke about his appearance. Upon doing so, he quit talking to me for weeks until finally deciding I deserved his forgiveness. This act flooded me with cynicism towards Christians and led me to become an atheist for the next few years.

Shea - My wife, along with her friends, would sit and listen to me whine at lunch about my girlfriend at the time. Eventually, they invited me to join them at a Youth event at their church, where everything changed.

Alan Parker - Youth pastor at Mt. Zion Baptist, he never felt the need to sugar-coat anything. If what you were doing was stupid, he’d tell you so. But, he never failed to love you along the way. He restored my faith in Christian leaders and pointed me to a book that renewed a dead faith - “Evidence Demands a Verdict.” He eventually ended up being the Pastor who married Shea and I.

Moodys - Shea’s parents reminded me of my own grandparents in their steadfastness. In the face of some of the most vicious, vile, disgusting circumstances ever seen in a church, the Moody’s provided a light in the midst of horrible darkness. They wouldn’t let their own faith be tainted by the power-struggles of wicked men. They demonstrated to me that faith need not be altered or phased by external forces.

Pat Roberts - Pastor of Crossroads Church of Henry County, he was one of the first people to not only not discourage questioning, but encourage it. He saw the skeptical nature inside me, and rather than try to squelch it, he helped to direct it. This blog is largely due to his encouragement and guidance. He also taught me a tremendous amount about leadership, the value of time and the deliberateness of being a good husband and father. To this day, he’s probably one of the biggest influences on my spiritual life.

Manny Ziegler - A brave man, indeed. While at Crossroads, Manny made it a point to take me under his wing and take a chance on me. He saw things in me that I didn’t even see in myself. Even though I felt like I was built to be a leader, Manny was instrumental in making that feeling a reality by “throwing me in the deep end of the pool.” He entrusted me to disciple others, something that has drastically shaped me even now. Heck, that experience was humbling as one of the members had a child out of wedlock, another left the church and got a DUI, while yet another turned his life back over to booze and partying. Even in the midst of that, Zig never faltered in helping to develop me. He’s the big brother I’ve never had.

Boyd Evans - My current Pastor and maybe the only man I’ve felt had the vision for what the new church should look like (not speaking of physical or outward appearances either). He took a tremendous step by asking me to be a “spiritual leader” for our current congregation, a position that not many 32 year old me would find themselves in. His passion for involving ourselves in our community and being more than a typical “church” is completely in-line with what I believe Christ wanted us to do. He tires of “church” stuff easily - a trait I admire and share.

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September 12, 2007 by David.

Quick - name one of the seven “deadly” sins. I’ve got one for ya:

Gluttony.

Yup - we tend to remember wrath, pride, envy or lust. But, for some reason, we gloss right over the one we’re probably most guilty of in the US. You may be wondering what this has to do with the title of this post. Here it is - the church, for years, has been more than willing to overlook one of the seven “deadly” sins in exchange for openly condemning another. Here’s how it breaks down.

You hear people often say that homosexuals can’t serve in church because they live in a constant state of sin. Well, by that standard, we’re probably allowing quite a few people serve that are “living in a constant state of sin.” By the way, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen that principle espoused by Christ. I’m pretty sure he chose to look at the heart. Anyhow…

I’ve seen quite a few leaders in churches who were more than just overweight. They were obese. Some were morbidly obese. Yet, not nearly as many people would raise a question as to whether these people were qualified to be in leadership. But, their own physical appearance suggests strongly that they are living in sin - and one of the seven deadly sins, at that. You might be saying - “…but David, many of these people aren’t necessary engaging in gluttony. They may have physical problems that cause them to be obese.” You don’t say…

You know, there is quite a bit of evidence that suggests that homosexuality is a physical condition. At the very least, even if being gay was solely based on psychological scarring, it does not make the “need” any less intense than it is for the 500 lb man leading worship. Yet, we’ll gladly put the man in size 60 jeans on stage to lead us in singing, while we turn a stiff hand to the homosexual. In fact, we’ll suggest that the gay person go and get themselves “fixed” so that they aren’t gay anymore. Then, we might consider them for church leadership. We may suggest that our 500lb worship leader lose weight, but not because he’s living in sin but because he may not live much longer. Oh, and we have no problem letting him croon while he pounds down 2 boxes of ho-hos in a sitting.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting that we remove fat people from leadership. Far from it. There is much we can learn from each other, regardless of what we struggle with. And I believe that we all struggle with something. For some of us, our struggle is far more visible. For others, we have the option of hiding it better and making people believe we’re somehow “better” or “more holy” than the obese man or the gay man.

But, employing a double-standard, especially when we’re dealing with peoples lives - no, their very souls - is not only dangerous, it is inherently wrong.

The truth is, when you deal with people and get involved in their lives, things get muddy. They get dangerous. There is the very real risk of getting hurt or being betrayed or finding out the person you met is not the real person. But the flip side is the wonderful possibility that you’ll get to know an amazing person, as flawed as you are.

That possibility does not happen until you’re willing to pull down the double-standards we’ve accepted for so long.

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September 10, 2007 by David.

I often wonder if I’m doing it right. It, obviously, can mean many a different things. In this case, that usage is intentional.

I’m I gaining the approval of my Father? I had that same thought many times while growing up. I often wondered if my earthly father approved of me. Was he proud of my grades? Or my artwork? Or my music? Or did he expect it of me and I was simply fulfilling what I needed to fulfill?

Now, as a father of 3 boys, I still wonder the same thing, but not from my earthly father. At the very least, an earthly father can offer his verbal confirmation that he approves of you or your choices. My heavenly father, unfortunately, hasn’t been really verbal. Uh…ever. Although, that could be a good thing, as a voice inside my head telling me I’m doing a great job would be kind of creepy. And probably land me in some sort of white jacket with really long sleeves…

But I digress. I wonder if I’m doing the things He wants of me. Am I showing love enough or in the fashion He would hope? Am I living with virtue and integrity or am I just scraping by?

At times, I really do wish an audible voice would thunder from the sky. As much as it might scare me into soiling myself, the feedback would be much appreciated at times.

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September 6, 2007 by David.

You know, if there is one word that could single-handedly define modern American culture, it would have to be excess.

Try ordering a small drink at Wendy’s sometime. You’ll get the options of Medium (the new small), Large (the new medium) and Jumbo (the new bladder-buster). I made the mistake of ordering a medium lemonade once. Apparently, the girl behind the counter did the translation for me (she assumed I meant large) and handed me a cup that could have stored half of Lake Michigan in it. Ironically, because of the 35 pounds of ice inside, there was barely room for the actual drink itself, but I digress.

Go to any gas station and look for a “Honey bun”. More than likely, what you’ll find is the Jumbo Honey buns. Yikes - those suckers have enough calories to feed Indonesia for a month. And we down one by ourselves here in the US.

Fattest nation in the world. Yup - US. Wealthiest nation? You got it - US. Biggest houses? Oh yeah, US by a long shot.

Even our SUVs are stupid big. Seriously, I see veritable tanks - probably getting 2 Mpg - on the highway all the time. Even more confusing is the fact that there is only 1 person inside these monsters of the road. ONE PERSON! I’m not an environmentalist, but for goodness sakes, is the 8 foot tall by 20 foot long SUV with a V-120 really that necessary to commute in Atlanta?

Don’t get me wrong - I’ve succumbed to excess as much as anybody. Who, in their right mind, would have 3 iPods in the same house? Or three computers?

*lowers chin and mumbles a lame excuse *

We even have an excess number of churches. Some countries - entire countries, mind you - only have a handful of churches. I haven’t counted, but I’m pretty sure that I pass at least 1,352 every day to work. At that, at least half of those are “First Baptist…”. Seriously people, we can’t ALL be first. Ahhhh, American excess at its finest…

So, what’s my point? Sure, it’s nice to have an abundance of things but the truth is that we’d all be better off if we moderated our lives more. We really don’t need the super-Jumbo size Wendy’s meal with a Vanilla frosty (yum). The standard sized, sans Frosty, is more than enough for 98% of the population - if not more than enough. We really don’t need the Venti Cinnamon Dolce Latte, Sugar-free, Fat-free light whip coffee from Starbucks. A small coffee with sugar and cream probably would have been perfect.

Look at the benefits of moderation and you’ll begin to notice a difference. Moderate your food intake and you’ll probably not be obese. Moderate your television viewing and you’ll probably have more family time. Moderate your car size and you’ll probably have more money (by not burning it on fuel).

It’s a pretty simple concept really. All things in moderation…

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