Corporate America Slave

September 16, 2008 by David.

I’ve always been a bit “different” from other people. When I first started my career, it was marked by plaid shirts with striped ties passing for “business attire.” It was topped off by “Top Ten Lists” emails and self-drawn funny pages about my boss and colleagues. I often pulled practical jokes on colleagues as well, once putting over 20 chairs in the office of a friend, or setting up a straw and “lines of coke (sugar)” on his desk. If anything, my time in the corporate system has been anything but normal.

But now, after 11 years, I find that I’m slowly devolving into a typical C.A. slave. I’ve got better corporate attire, though I don’t think I’d ever be considered a fashion magnate. I’ve not done a “Top Ten List” in a long time and I’ve not dared draw funny pages about my boss now.  The jokes are now limited to quips and sarcasm - gone are the days of fake coke lines and offices loaded with chairs. I’d like to pull these things off, but I often lack the drive or have the time. It’s funny, these are the things that used to make my day.

Some might say that these changes are good - a sign of maturation and improvement. And though I would concede that laying coke lines on the desk of a colleague hardly passes for “mature,” I’m not so certain that it is an improvement or a reflection of who I want to be.

Had you asked me 11 years ago if I’d be a typical Corporate America Slave, I’d have laughed at you. I was so certain that I’d be doing something else - whether running my own company, playing in a rock band or doing something artistic - the idea was completely laughable. Fast-forward 11 years, and you’ll find a 33 year old who is now responsible for feeding 4 other mouths and is more worried about job security (which is a joke) than he is maintaining a sense of personal identity. The idea of jumping off the train to start my own job is not only frightening, it’s maddeningly irresponsible and yet, there are times that is exactly what I want to do. I want to forfeit a great salary, benefits and high-reviews for instability, uncertainty and a sense of adventure.

I don’t want to live my life constrained by the rules and dictates of those who came before me. And yet, I find that I’ve put myself in a position where I don’t really have much of a choice.

So, how shall I battle this? What is to become? I’m ready to rediscover that “idiot” that made the corporate shills uncomfortable years ago. I’m not sure if that means dressing like a blind-man in a costume shop or pulling practical jokes on co-workers. Maybe a return to “Top Ten Lists” is in order, or maybe some fresh ink on paper portraying my co-workers “Dilbert-style” would be appropos. All I know is that I’m certain that I’m not cut-out to be a C.A. slave. It’s not in my blood. I’m a rock-star, an artist, a performer - not some mindless hack that is waiting for his age 65 pension and 3% raises.

Maybe a reboot IS in order. I don’t even know what that would look like or if I’m even able to take the risk. But as my brother-in-law pointed out to me this week, so many people work all their lives - their prime years! - just so they can enjoy a “retirement” at the end. I’ve seen what that looks like, and I’m certain that life is not for me. I’d rather retire now and work later.

I’m not sure how that works, but I’m increasingly determined to find out.

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