Who I am

August 31, 2008 by David.

Well, here it is. The quintessential definition of who I am. It’s somewhat inevitable that a person who sets up a blog eventually tries to define himself in mere words. It’s somewhat crazy that you’d even try - life is way too big to sum up in the pointless utterances of a limited lexicon. But, I’ve never really been known for my restraint. If anything, I’m known for bloviating. So be it.

Politics

It’s funny - at one point in my life, I was a staunch conservative. I was a card-carrying (seriously) member of the Republican party. I was pro-life, pro-gun and pro-low-taxes. I was anti-gay, anti-liberal, anti-drug and even anti-drinking (that one’s too funny now). But, as life has progressed, so has my thought on politics. To sum all of it up, here’s my overriding philosophy on all of it:

It simply doesn’t matter anymore.

I’m not normally a defeatist, but I’m pretty well convinced that the Republicans and Democrats are little more than power-mongers covered in different garb. They promise one thing and deliver another. They both want to spend money - it’s just a matter of what they spend it on. They both promise to fix America, all the while they strip Her of Her beauty. They scream their rhetoric every 4 years (2 for legislators) in order to keep their cush jobs that would never exist in the free market. They make 6 figures with little accountability and they often don’t even show up to work.

Here’s what I’m convinced of - the more free we are, the better off. Freedom is hard work, which is exactly what this country needs. We need to take away the free meal tickets and tell people to create their own damned meals. Conversely, we need to stop trying to regulate morality, whether it is telling a woman not to have an abortion, or telling a person his money should pay for AIDS research in Africa. Arresting people for polluting their bodies (whether by pot, heroin, alcohol, caffeine, fat, what-have-you) is idiocy. Jailing two adults who agree on a financial transaction for sex is idiocy. We make these laws and rules not to better society, but to feel better about ourselves.

Laws should have one simple purpose - to protect us from one another. If another man wants to rob me, he is inflicting harm on me and impugning my right to pursue life, liberty and happiness. However, if a man wants to do cocaine until his nose falls off, it has no impact on me. Leave him to be stupid, high, drunk or dead. It makes no difference to me.

At the end of the day, we look towards politics to save us - but all it truly does is divide us. Not that I believe we should all agree - we never will. And not that I believe we’re all equal - we’re not. But if we truly care about finding solutions to problems, trusting our government to do it is waiting on a ship that will never sail.

Religion/Spirituality

This is may end up sounding bitter, but so be it. It’s going to be the honest and harsh truth, as best as I can express it.

I’m tired of Christians. Christians in America (myself included) are the most self-absorbed, hypocritical, judgmental and self-entitled group of people on the planet. We involve ourselves in politics and try to tell people what to do, all while our own house is falling apart. We struggle for power and to keep things “the way they have been” so that we’re comfortable with our circumstances. We put labels - endless miles of labels - on people so that we can decide who we will and will not love. We fight when we should comfort. We yell when we should be silent. We stay still when we should be acting.

Some of the most self-serving and corrupt people I’ve met have been Pastors. That’s not to say that Pastors should be perfect - no, far from it. BUT, I’m tired of hearing “we’re all sinners” as a justification for why we can’t be good human beings. I’m tired of hearing “we’re forgiven” as an excuse for not doing the right thing. I’m tired of hearing “we’re human” while these people preach about faith but fail to live it out. I often find myself so disillusioned with the position, that I question if there are any good ones out there.

For sure, I’m encouraged by what I see from the Pastors at Momentum. Bart is a sincere man who I believe is acting in faith. I hope he continue to buck the trends I’ve seen. His guys - Seth and Joe - are fantastic as well. In fact, if it weren’t for Momentum, I’m not sure that I’d be in church anymore.

However, there are some positive things I do see and believe. I do believe in Jesus as the Savior of mankind. I believe His message is still radical and piercing even today (maybe more so). I struggle with the relevance of the Old Testament, and at times, with parts of the New Testament. I believe these words have been twisted and contorted by men in positions of power in the Church to control the thoughts of the myrmidons. I believe that people who say the Bible is “perfect as is” and not open for interpretation are bordering on the cusp of becoming mind-controlling cultists - no better than the wacko at Waco or Tom Cruise and his ilk.

I believe all men have an innate sense of right and wrong. I believe some men choose to ignore it and I believe some men are truly evil. I also believe that we all have that capacity, but I don’t buy into the common Christian rhetoric that we’re all evil and that only Jesus is the good in us. If we were made in the image of God, then it doesn’t take God coming back into us to make us good. We’re already painted as a masterpiece - some of us just get littered with black paint along the way.

I believe that no one truly understands the mystery of salvation. I believe men claim to understand it so that they can sit in positions of power over others who don’t. I believe salvation is both complex and simple and is found on an individual basis. I believe the evidence of salvation is found in the man, not in his words or his memberships to the local institution.

I believe that love - in all its forms - should be unconditional, or it isn’t love it all. We shouldn’t pick and choose. Either we love or we do not.

Family and Friends

I love my family, but I also believe that most families are dysfunctional. In fact, I’m not so certain that there are “functional” families anymore.  We all have daddy issues and we’ve all been scarred. I’m fairly certain that I’ve scarred my children. I’m convinced my job as a parent is to do as little damage as possible between now and adulthood. I will, of course, try to do more - but maybe it’s those attempts that cause dysfunction in the first place. I’m sure I’ll figure it out one day - the day people quit listening to me. It’s the story of mankind, and I’m sure I’ll be no different.

In this generation, and in generations to come, family is now defined by the people we love and who love us - whether they are “blood” or not. The days of single families growing up together on the farm have been eradicated by a culture that seeks to divide. It’s not an intentional goal, but our consumerism creates debts that tears families apart. Our desire for more stuff (I’m the most guilty) causes us to spend more time at our jobs to pay for said-stuff. Once we’re in the cycle, we find it impossible to break it. It’s the curse of our generation.

I have a soft-heart, in that I get emotionally invested in people too easily. All it takes is for someone to share their story of hurt with me. Once they do, I tear open my shirt to reveal the big “S” and I go into action. I want to be Superman to the world, and especially to my friends. I’ve struggled with the concept of live and let live. I often want to fix things that don’t necessarily need fixing. Sometimes the best healing for a wound is for it to be put out into the open and given time to heal. I, however, don’t like seeing people hurt - especially emotional hurting. It tears and gnaws at me and I know it’s my weak point. A lesser person would easily be able to take advantage of this trait and exploit it.

Being a Man

This last bit is something I’m passionate about, in part because I see so little of it these days. I’m not sure that what I’m about to describe is everything I am - it’s probably not - but it is who I desire to be, and what I will continually strive for without apology.

A man should have a sense of humor. Life is way too serious and short to not laugh through it. Laughter is often the best medicine and can relieve some of the greatest pains. In fact - any man who masters the art of humor, especially self-deprecating (without being self-pity) - can find his way into the heart of most women. Sarcasm, in small and well-used doses, is an art. Overdone and it becomes a weapon.

A man should take care of himself physically. You have one body and of the 70 to 80 years you’ll have it, you’ll get about 30 to 40 before it becomes extremely high-maintenance. Destroying it through drugs or dangerous sex (that can mean MANY things) is foolishness. Obesity is the clearest sign that a man does not care for himself, nor does he truly care for those around him. However, obsession with fitness often leads to emotional abandonment of those around you. Spending hours upon hours in the gym to have a “perfect” body isn’t taking care of yourself - it’s vanity.

A man should keep his word and should know when his word is “no.” You can label this integrity. Any man who can’t find a way to do what he says should just stop talking.

A man should know how to kill but also be able to enjoy the arts. There are times that require real men to step up and kill for what is right. Whether that is to feed his family or defend his country, every man should have that instinct inside of him. Conversely, a man should also be able to celebrate the beauty of life either through the arts, music or any other creative avenue. This dichotomy is not innate and must be strived for. A man who simply lives to kill is a barbarian. A man who only knows the arts is a pansy. A man who can do both is rare and to be cherished.

A man should be honest, but not brutal. Some men take pride in being brutally honest, and for sure, there are times when that type of honesty is needed. However, a real man knows the difference between being honest for his sake and being honest for the sake of the one who is hearing it. Brutal honesty is often self-serving, setting one up for the inevitable “I told you so.” Manly honesty knows when the voice and the heart should be soft and the honesty given in a dosage that can be taken in. A man also knows when neither a lie, nor the truth are needed - in those moments, he finds silence is his only friend.

A man should be loyal, and defend that loyalty with his life. Once a man takes a friend into his circle - and a wise-man chooses his friends very, very carefully - he should be loyal to the friend as a brother, in fact, closer than a brother. When that friend calls him, he should leap to assist. Likewise, he should trust his friends to do the same for him. He should walk stride-in-stride with these friends because their paths are essentially the same. When his friend is in danger, he is in danger as well. His own life should be a willing price to pay for his friends.

Finally, a real man is comfortable in his skin. He feels no need to impress those around him or to be “better” than the next guy. He realizes that a man is not defined by his abilities, his money or his stature. He doesn’t need to boast - his life and his friends will boast for him. He doesn’t need constant affirmation - his confidence is internal and resolute. He doesn’t need “things” to uphold his manhood - for that is already settled.

Conclusion

I’m not sure why this came out today, or why it took this form. I’m glad, though, that it’s here and out in the open. I welcome anyone to read it and dismiss me if they will. It is who I am, and I’m no longer going to apologize for that.

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