White Knuckling Christianity

For those who don’t know, the phrase “to white knuckle” something refers to the process of doing something in an intense and deliberate “force of will” type of way. You’ll often hear of the phrase being used to describe an addict who is quitting cold-turkey. Alcoholics Anonymous uses the phrase for people who quit drinking without embracing the belief in God aspects of the twelve step program. Just so you know, it’s widely believed that people who “white knuckle” their addiction problems almost always return to them.

In many ways, I think a large number of people in the church today are “white knuckling” their faith. I think this, because for the longest time, I was one of them.

Faith, at times, seems esoteric in its nature. We talk about it and laud it, but few understand it - especially early in their adoption of it. Let’s be honest: faith is not easy to define. The belief in an invisible being is not in our primary nature. We’re very visual, sensual beings. We want to touch, smell, feel or hear things around us. In fact, it’s the lack of these senses that makes faith unattainable for many people. The fact that they can’t touch God, or hear God, or smell Him or see Him makes faith little more than fiction to them.

Which is exactly why many people end up “white knuckling” their faith.

We “force” our faith - often because any expression of doubt or raising of questions is seen as a lack of faith. I’ve heard many people say that faith replaces doubt or that doubt disappears when faith appears. It’s as if the two - doubt and faith - are polar opposites destined to never co-exist. To me, this statement or long-held dogma, is one of the primary reasons people leave the faith. It ignores what real life is like. It concentrates on the ideal and forgets the human element of maintaining a faith.

For me, I spent years forcing my faith. I refused to ask critical questions of it or express doubt. Utterances of “God is in control” or “He will work it out” were commonplace for me. I look back at that person now and realize that he was trying his best to represent a faith that people had painted for him. He was presenting a faith that was perfect and unfailing.

He was delusional.

The truth is, I believe faith and doubt do co-exist. At least for me, there have been times when I’ve questioned the very existence of God. Time that I’ve wondered aloud if He is there, and if so, if He even cares at all. There have been times when my mind has been flooded with questions and doubts. In the past, I would have pretended those thoughts weren’t there. Now, I embrace them as a part of my humanity. I embrace the doubts and questions, because for me, it is proof of my longing to be closer to the creator.

If I never doubt and never ask questions, it is as if I could care less about whether God does or does not exist. This may not be true for some people, but I suspect it’s true for more people than would care to admit to it.

So, here I stand (or sit, as the case may be) ready to embrace doubt and questions in the pursuit of a stronger faith. Slowly, I’m realizing that faith is a journey, not a destination. It’s not something you suddenly have as much as it is something you work on. Embracing the duality of doubt and faith, amazingly, has freed me from the feeling of having to “white knuckle” my faith.

This entry was posted on September 4, 2007 at 7:38 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.