All That is Pointless

I’m not sure if I’m getting uncomfortably fixated on death, but I’ve been thinking a tremendous amount about what I will look back on one day. We all talk about it - what we want to be remembered for, the memories we’ll take with us. We wonder if the life we’ll look back on will be one worth the reflection. As I’ve delved into these thoughts, I find myself caring about fewer and fewer things and caring more and more about a select few.

There is so much noise - clutter - distraction - in our lives. Much of it, to be honest, is pointless.

Should a church play progressive music or stick to hymns? Pointless.  Should we dress up for Sundays or dress down? Pointless.

Did I achieve all I could in my career? Pointless. Did I get the new iPhone? Pointless.

Did I sponsor the right political candidates? Pointless. Did I join the right party? Pointless.

Did I see all the award winning movies from last year? Pointless. Did I buy the latest Fuel CD? Pointless.

As I examine that which is pointless, it becomes overwhelming. When I die, there is an endless list of things that I once cared about that won’t matter at all.

This is painful for a gadget-freak to admit to.

There are many things I put many hours into that I can’t even remember now. Granted, some of those experiences have positively shaped me or given me experiences to learn from - but I’m not sure that they deserved the amount of attention that I gave to them. Each hour in front of a computer or tech-gadget was an hour away from the people I love. Some of it was necessary but much of it was just pointless. Utterly pointless.

I used to care desperately what people thought about me. I wanted - more than anything at times - for people to agree with me, as if their validation made me more whole. Now I don’t care. I’ve realized that external validation is fruitless and endless. It’s not that I don’t care what people think - it’s that I could care less about whether they agree with me. In fact, I’ve gone from being a political madman to be being absolutely apathetic about the whole political process.

I find myself caring more about people than politics. More about souls than salary. And I like the change.

It’s easy to get caught up in the pointless things because they’re easy. They provide immediate rewards. It’s easy to feel the pride of making a computer work again or of setting the high score in the newest video game. The good stuff - the stuff worth working on - is usually messy. Relationships can be frustrating, painful, dirty, hurtful, complex, and challenging.  There’s often no immediate payoff to these things. At times, these things - the non-pointless things - can actually derail our lives from the course we’ve set for ourselves. And yet, there is nothing more rewarding or lifelong fulfilling than spending time with those you love. There’s nothing like watching your sons grow up before your very eyes. And there’s nothing like the tender words of an enduring and faithful wife.

I just hope I’m able to filter out the pointless things better. It’s a struggle - and one I’m apt to fail at many times more - but I hope my focus is different and aimed away from all that is pointless.

This entry was posted on August 29, 2007 at 10:56 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.