August 1, 2007 by David.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

- Mahatma Gandhi

When I came across this saying, I nearly cried. NEARLY - I’m not that girly. Anywho…it’s quotes like these that drive me. It’s simple, easy to understand and conveys a truth so profound that you can’t ignore it. It’s not dressed in elegance or fancy prose. Nor is it disguised in sarcasm, wit or irony. It is honest. It is straightforward. And, most of all, it is piercing.

But David, isn’t writing about forgiveness the biggest Christian cliche, like, ever? Probably, but most people write about forgiving others. I still struggle with that, but I’ve gotten better. My bigger problem, though, is with forgiving myself (cue dramatic orchestral sweep).

Ahhhhh - nothing starts the morning better than coffee with cream and a little inner turmoil, eh?

To be honest, I think I’d sooner forgive a murderer than I would myself. Not sure why, either. I often get the inclination that I’d like to go back in time and give my old-self a good old-fashioned butt whuppin’ for some of the things I’ve done or things I’ve said. I get that inclination daily. Hourly, even. In fact, writing about this inclination makes me think back and has sparked that inclination yet again. WOW - I’ve just run in a full mental circle without breaking a sweat. Beat that, Einstein.

Moving on…It’s not that I don’t think I’m forgiven. I get that. It’s not that I haven’t learned from some of my past mistakes (size 12 shoes on size 8 feet anybody?). To be honest, I’m not sure where it comes from. An overblown sense of justice? A lack of self-respect? A twisted desire to punish myself? Lack of faith? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not like this all the time. It’s usually pretty infrequent, although I have noticed it tends to accompany copious amounts of hard liquor like white on rice…

Sometimes the little things bother me, such as sarcastic comments I meant in humor that came off poorly. Sometimes it’s the biggies, like a former friend who is now missing some teeth because of me. The most painful ones involve my kids. I’ve sworn to protect them and yet, I’m often the first to hurt them (not physically, mind you, so don’t go calling DFACS). Even more bitter are the things I do that I hated when they were done to me. Ouch.

Am I alone in this? Does anyone else struggle with self-forgiveness? Or do I need to check myself into the nearest funny-farm for some deep, introspective therapy?

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August 1, 2007 by David.

Anyone who knows anything about music knows that Adam Ant is most certainly NOT the Greatest Pop Star Ever. He has one of the most unique names. He even had a pretty unique look. And, to boot, I think he had a hit in the 80s. Maybe two. So, what would ever qualify Adam Ant as the greatest? How ’bout if he said so? Let’s take this one step further. Adam Ant says he can fly and he’s the King of France. Does that make it true?

You’re probably wondering “David, what are you getting at” or “David, have you started doing crack again?” Whereas the second might be true, I AM getting at something. I’m wondering how Christians expect normal people (Christians are most definitely NOT normal) to just believe that the Bible is the infallible, perfect Word of God. It’s not that I don’t believe it to be the case (more on that later), it’s that the standard argument is a cyclical fallacy. Why is the Bible claimed as the infallible, perfect Word of God? Well, because the Bible says it is!

Um…ok.

I’ve heard this at least 30 thousand times the past 14 years. And it has never really made sense to me. Yet, I see people just accept it with little to no challenge. It’s one of those “don’t challenge it because it is JUST TRUE” statements of faith. And, while I accept that many things happen that have no explanation and more things happen that we don’t understand, I’ve never been settled with the idea that this statement falls in one of those categories. Frankly, it just sounds silly. “It’s perfect because it says it is.”

The answer is Yes - I did quit believing in Santa at an early age. Sad, I know - this questioning part of my personality sure has caused me some headaches throughout life.

Let me clarify something - I’m not saying I don’t believe the Bible isn’t perfect, I’m just saying the traditional explanation for WHY is really, really sad. It usually garners a raised eye-brow (that most Christians either don’t see, or ignore altogether) from non-believers that visibly states “you’re a french fry short of a happy meal, aren’t you?” Yet, for the past 14 years, I’ve heard it more times than I’ve heard my own name. Seriously. I rarely get called David anymore.

Have we really become numb to how we sound? Do we really forget what our words sound like?

“My name is David and I have the strength of 100 men. You know why? Because I said so.” NO, no, no! That statement does NOT give me the strength of 100 men. That statement makes me an idiot. Really, doesn’t it?

Well, if you’re still reading, you may be wondering why I still believe the Bible is the infallible, perfect Word of God. Simply put, I believe Christianity to be the only faith that makes sense. Every other religion in the world preaches about how you can save yourself through human righteousness and self-sacrifice. In other words, God makes you appease Him. Only Christianity is about what God does to save you. As a father, it makes perfect sense. I love my children enough that I’ll save them - I don’t want them to appease me to earn my favor. They have it, just for being my children. As a part of that, I don’t believe God would allow his children to be misled. To me, that means the Bible would never have been allowed to be flawed (when taken in context, mind you) because that would intentionally mislead an entire faith. That doesn’t mean that things aren’t subject to interpretation, just that they are there in exactly the way God wants them. In fact, I believe much of the Bible is left to interpretation for the expressed purpose of pursuit. If it was all spelled out, we’d have no need to actually learn or grow - we’d be nothing more than automatons.
I know my explanation lacks scientific clarity or a whiz-bang reason that brings it all home. Simply put, my reason still does require an element of faith. It does, however, make some logical sense to me. At the very least, I avoid - some, not all - of the “he’s crazy” looks. Well, at least when it comes to this. I think.

Oh, and U2 is the greatest rock band ever.

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