Broken Burden

It’s Good Friday and I’ve seen the requisite posts on Facebook of people celebrating the Cross – the crucifixion – as is normal this time of year every year. I’m not one to make those posts, but the significance of the Cross isn’t lost on me. In fact, I believe it strikes me more than it ever has. The thought that has pierced my mind as of late, is the idea that the cross was not necessary.

Lest you think I’m a heretic and undermining the importance of the cross, hear me out. Let’s quickly examine some agreed upon thoughts regarding God, our position and the life of Jesus. First – I believe that we can all agree that God has no limitations. For those who insist he cannot look upon evil, I’d counter that Jesus – being God – not only looked upon it while on earth, but dwelled amongst it. So, I believe God to be without restriction – to exist outside the bounds of our minds and our rules. Should he want to wipe out the entire earth right now, it would take nothing more than his mere thought, if even that.

Secondly, as humans, our understanding is incredibly finite. Our minds are bound by the dimensions we live in. We can’t fathom an existence outside of time, outside of space. And though our minds have evolved and learned, we are still incredibly futile compared to the intelligence of God. As such, some things must be communicated to us in ways that we can understand. In ways that our futile and finite minds can process.

Finally, we can accept that Jesus was perfect and without fault. We can also agree that his life was the template by which we should live ours, if not as an exact copy. We also see in the Gospels that Jesus offered us incredible freedom. He never coerced or forced. He never demanded or forcibly changed. He offered many people the option of walking away – of rejecting what He offered. Since He loved and continues to love us, He offers us the freedom to make our own decisions.

And herein lies the reason that the Cross wasn’t necessary: God can do as he pleases. If He wants to eradicate sin, he simply does it. If He wants the full redemption of every human mind, He simply speaks it. But, God – out of His expansive love for us – gives us incredible freedom. Freedom to reject Him or embrace him. Because of this, God chooses to NOT force us to redemption or to perfection. He let’s us choose.

Likewise, God – because of His love – places things in our lives, in our paths, to communicate His love for us. Not forcibly, but in a way that our finite and futile minds can understand. From the foundation of creation, man has understood sacrifice. For some reason, our finite minds understand the idea that in order to attain something, you must give something up of value. It’s simple – you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours. Over time, this concept took on extremes, as cultures began sacrificing other humans in the hopes of attaining the favor of a distant higher being. God saw this inherent flaw in our minds and wanted us to understand something more – but still give us the freedom that His love grants us.

God wanted us to understand that he is not distant, that he doesn’t need (or want) these endless sacrifices. He wanted us to know that He loved us as a father loves his child. He was and is not the great punisher who we must appease, He is our closest ally – our friend, our parent – who seeks to love us and help us grow.

And this is the true beauty of the cross. Jesus came and told us of God’s great love for us. It’s threaded throughout the gospels and was constantly on His lips. Jesus delivered the message – God loves you as a father – and then he lived the message out. He practiced mercy and compassion. He showed us how to love and the extent of perfect love. Then, when condemned and persecuted unjustly, He allowed himself to be sacrificed. He was not sacrificed because He HAD to do it, he was sacrified because HE CHOSE to do it. He was brutally murdered and sacrificed so that we would understand. So that our simple, feeble minds would grasp that the era of sacrifices could end. By being the perfect sacrifice, humans would no longer need to continue in those ways (and note, that since that time, civilizations that practice human sacrifice have all but completely disappeared).

The cross was not necessary. God could have redeemed all of creation without it. But because He loves us, and because he has a story to tell, He CHOSE the cross. He decided to do it so that we could understand the fullness of His love. He allowed Jesus to be brutally tortured and murdered so that we would fully fathom the depths of His love and the fact that He is not distant and demanding, but close and loving. On the Cross he showed us that the sacrifices could end – for if God himself was willing to provide the sacrifice, we have nothing else sufficient to offer.

And in the cross we find this incredible beauty: God ended our needless sacrifices and delivered the final message: He loves us. He loves us so much that He is willing to sacrifice Himself just so that we can have a base understanding of that endless love.

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As I delve deeper into my faith, questions keep arising that often take me on an endless spin – questions whose answers are other questions – whose answers pry out more questions and so on. For those who “grow-up” in a faith, the answers always seem simple – you simply asked the “educated” Pastors or Reverends for the “appropriate” translation for what you believe. But as you begin to question, the house of cards starts tumbling.

For each viewpoint that is expressed, there is almost always a counterpoint. For each theological stand, the opposite is taken by someone else. For each Presbyterian there is a Baptist. For every Baptist a Catholic. For every Catholic a Mormon. And for every Christian a Muslim and so on and so on. Some of the smartest men to have ever lived have adopted different creeds and claimed an exclusivity to the “truth.”

So who is “right?” Who can we listen to? Every faith and every viewpoint has authors and theologians who have been scholared and educated, so education can not stand alone as the only differentiator. Additionally, majority as the criteria is weak and history has shown that majority rules is almost always wrong (earth is flat, anyone?).

Fortunately, I believe Jesus anticipated this. He knew this was coming and that people would flock to these various leaders and scholars. In fact, he saw it during His own time in the Pharisees. People who were better educated and of a “higher class” than those around them. Funny enough, these were the people Jesus had the least tolerance for. He KNEW that they used their intelligence to confuse and control. He KNEW that they used their education to stand above everyone else and to exert influence and control. He KNEW that complications and big, long, detailed explanations of what it took to get to God would make them “spokespersons” for God.

So what did Jesus do? He took over 600 commandments and simplified them into 2. He shamed the Pharisees whenever they spoke “above” those around them. He told people to maintain a childlike (read: simple) faith to find the Kingdom of Heaven. In other words, whenever the theologians of the time sought to exert influence and confuse people, Jesus rebutted them. He showed them a God who cares more about Love than about what you do or what you believed. He encouraged simple faith and spoke of a merciful, loving God who gives us all renewal and redemption. And when the theologians realized they couldn’t shut him up, they killed him.

So – in this modern time – are our own theologians simply modern-day Pharisees? Are those that claim to know exclusively who Jesus is and what God wants nothing more than control-artists? Are we not witnessing the same thing Jesus did in His time? Would Jesus be impressed by the endless volumes of books espousing different theological viewpoints, or would he be saddened?

I believe it’s time to return to the basics – to shed the “intelligence” and the sense of solidity in our scholarly endeavors. To emulate and follow Jesus once again. It’s time to end the theological confusion and embrace the child-like faith Jesus told us to embrace in the first place.

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Those who are familiar with the Cross, and the words that Jesus uttered while upon it, know the words above very well. In their fullness, Jesus said “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” These words have always been understood for their indication of those who had crucified Jesus, but as with most things our Lord said, they carry a weight that extends far beyond their initial indication. And in my believe, these words are the clearest indication Jesus gave of the breadth and depth of His forgiveness.

In those words, Jesus indicated he desired a forgiveness for those who did not know. I do not believe Jesus was only referring to those in the immediate vicinity who had crucified Him. I believe those words – that desire for complete forgiveness – pierced through time and circumstance and became truth. Who would dare say that Jesus – as Man and God in the same – would be denied this request? Would God look upon Jesus and say “They are not forgiven?” Would that not invalidate the symbol of what was done on the cross?

With that said, how then can we say that there are any who would not be forgiven? And is that forgiveness partial or is it complete? If all are forgiven – and from that point in history, all are to be forgiven – how can the consequence of Hell still be in-play? Doesn’t Hell indicate a lack of redemption or the absence of forgiveness? In particular – for those who “know not what they do” – didn’t Jesus request forgiveness specifically for them? Was that request denied or was the cross the ultimate fulfillment of that request?

It’s time for modern Christianity to shed the Pagan-influenced concept of hell that has been cast upon our forgiving and loving God. When Jesus pleaded on the behalf of those who know not what they do, He was pleading for all of humanity – those who existed, those who do and those who will. And in that plea, He secured a forgiveness complete and unyielding. Whether Muslim, Hindu, Atheist or Jewish, the please of Jesus was for them all.

So ask yourself – do you believe God ignored Jesus in that moment?

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Two friends engage in a game of checkers. The first friend – who we will call Bob – tears through the game capturing all of the piece save for 2. The second friend – who we will call Gary – is left looking at his two remaining pieces to ponder the outcome. After a brief moment, Gary smiles and proudly proclaims – “HA! I won!” At this point, Bob – who clearly has the majority of the pieces in his possession – looks at Gary and states in a bewildered tone, “How can you possibly think you’ve won? You clearly lost. I have the overwhelming majority of pieces in my hand.” Gary confidently replies “Because those two pieces I have are the ones I wanted.”

It’s obvious that in this case of checkers, Gary clearly has lost. No matter how he decides to paint his “victory,” it’s anything but. He lost all of his pieces and only acquired two in return. Any of us can clearly see this outcome for what it is.

Why then – do Christians who insist on an eternal sinners hell also proclaim that “in the end” the victory is the Lords?

Depending on what numbers you look at and which philosophy about hell you believe in, the number of people in mankind’s history that will end up in hell is somewhere between 70 and 98%. Even the more liberal number here – 70% – indicates that God’s “victory” would really be anything but. In what way can salvation for only 30% of mankind be considered a victory? The Bible clearly states that it is God’s will that ALL be saved. Last I checked, 30% clearly is not ALL, much less 2%. Sadly, many modern Christians read the gospel (translated to good news) and believe that this small percentage is an overwhelming victory. I’ve even heard many say “I’ve read the end of the book – and guess what – we win.”

Well, if by “win” you mean that most of humanity is condemned to an eternal hell, then yes – you’ve “won.” But by God’s own standards – remember, it is His will that ALL be saved – there is no victory. In other words, God loses and Satan wins.

Knowing all of this – is it not possible, or even LIKELY – that something has been lost in translation? Is Hell really “eternal”? If God wills that ALL mankind be saved, how can anyone – even the devil – thwart that will? Is it possible that our understanding of Hell – which mind you, was strongly influenced by pagan concepts for hell and punishment – is at the least, inaccurate and maybe even completely wrong?

If not, and you accept and believe that Hell is eternal and as described, then I challenge you to consider the implications of the idea that God really wins in the end. It’s hard to accept that losing all of your pieces amounts to an overwhelming victory.

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In the freshness of my memory sits the image of friends suffering a horrible loss: an image so unimaginable that to even try to put it into words seems insufficient and disrespectful. One cannot put words around the terror of losing a child – whether that child was a soldier faithfully serving a noble cause, or a child whom you had just given a name to because he or she is still in-process. The loss – no matter the method – disrupts the natural clock built into all of us that assures us that we will expire before our children do. It is why children are able to recover from the loss of a parent – it’s an understood flow of life. It’s also why one never recovers from the loss of a child.

This recent event – nay, tragedy – sparked in me faint memories of the expectations cast by ignoble religious leaders who challenged that these times – these tragic times – are times for our faith to be strong. To question God during a tragedy shows that your faith is truly weak and unable to stand when tested. These “leaders” encourage followers to “cling” to the faith, as if it were a pull-up bar. And for a time, I leant credence to these opinions. I even uttered them, though more as an automaton than as a true believer.

When an animal in the wild is wounded, it instinctively does several things: it retreats from danger, cleans its wounds, and it rests for the purpose of healing. You won’t see a wounded animal bellow about it’s strength nor will it continue to act as it did when it was healthy. The animal understands that wounds need time to heal, or the wound will get worse.

In principle, humans will do and should do the same. However, since we are not simple animals, we are frustrated by our need for healing in the mind. Our minds demand that we attempt to reconcile what has happened and if we can’t reconcile it, at least come to peace with it. It is this drive – the drive to reconcile the immensely emotional and difficult events – that forces us to question God. It is not a statement on the quality of our faith. It is an instinctive reaction and one that is echoed in the history of faith. Some of the “greatest” men of faith were also the same men who questioned God the most when challenged. Moses, David and even Jesus questioned God during times of great duress. In fact, one will find on closer examination that the questioning was actually welcomed by God, not discouraged.

If you were to ask the average person what the opposite of love is, they will most likely tell you “hate.” And while that seems logical, I would argue that there is something far worse and even deadlier than that white-hot emotion: apathy. Whereas hate is like a large flame with little fuel and relatively easy to extinguish, apathy – the sheer absence of any care or emotion – is like an ocean. Difficult to manage, impossible to conquer.

By questioning God, one is engaging in an emotional battle with the Creator. Demanding answers. Pleading for a sign. Outbursts of anger, and yes, even hatred. But it IS an engaging. And God – being One who is never surprised and endless and boundless in grace and mercy – welcomes the anger and hatred. He welcomes the engaging, for He understands the pain. What He doesn’t want is for you to disengage – to pretend that all is well – for that relies only on oneself. The act of putting on a “super-faith” pulls us away from God as we attempt to reconcile our pain only through our inner means. This self-reliance subtly and slowly builds a sense of apathy towards God, as He was not a factor in the the healing process. He was not engaged. He was not “present.” This can often conclude with apathy towards our faith and ultimately, towards God.

So, to my friends in the midst of a dark period – drop the expectations of being strong, or of relying solely on your faith. Be angry. Be mad. Question God – and repeatedly. When the time comes – and it may take more time than anyone can realize – your anger and your hatred will cease. Your wounds will heal. And unbelievably, your faith will grow through it all.

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Several years ago, I made a trip to a foreign land (Holland) and read an amazing book (Blue Like Jazz) that forever impacted my world view. It was a sobering time, as I took an account of where my life had been and the beliefs and systems that had defined me. At that time, I had decided to take a deeper dive into my “beliefs” to ensure that they were truly my own. Little did I know that the journey would last this long, and still continue even now.

At the time, I was an “elder” at a small community church and had few questions about my beliefs. I knew what I knew and very little was at question. I admired the Pastor there, and I believed I was genuinely where I needed to be. Then it came crashing down. The Pastor quickly turned his eyes away from his first Love and became obsessed with numbers. The people there grew more discouraged. Shea and I knew we had to move on, and at a time when the church may have needed us the most.

It only got worse from there. My closest friend, whom we moved in with, turned out to be someone who found his confidence in destroying the confidence of his wife. I suffered a major knee injury, which made running – a healthy pastime – impossible to do. And we assisted the “abused” wife in escaping the abuse – as we were asked by her to do – only to see her return to it. So in a very short period of time, we went from confident and happy, to lost, disillusioned and separated from our closest confidants and friends.

Even worse, during that time, we didn’t keep in touch with our other friends as we should have. We neglected them and disconnected like we never had before. It was a dark time.

However, in recent months, we’ve reconnected with many of those friends – nay, family – as they apparently never gave up on us. In fact, one of my closest friends over the past 6 to 8 years is soon to be a new father, and I couldn’t be any happier. Another of my close friends has joined me in my journey to return back to good health, and he’s proven to be a man of great integrity, intelligence and compassion. We’ve also reconnected with a church willing to accept our differences and our failures, lead by a Pastor who cares more about people than he does about numbers.

And even though my faith has taken some dramatic shifts (which will be covered at some other point), I find that the challenges are nothing more than the continuance of change. You live, you learn. You win, you lose, you succeed and you fail. If you’re lucky, you’ll find out who your truest friends – family – are. They’re the ones who call you the day after examinations to see how you did. They’re the ones who answer the phone even when the last call happened months prior. And they’re the ones who lift you up when you are unable to do so yourself.

So, after all this time, I find that the change is continuing. I’d like to think it’s growth, though I’m sure some would argue it is regression. Either way, I’m not the same person I was and I hope that I will be able to say the same thing 5 years from now. For if there’s one thing that’s been a constant in my life recently, it’s change.

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